I love my life.
I’m a mom to two young kids — both babies, really — and the days just go by so quickly, but they’re so full. Some days are bursting with joy and fun, and others are landslides of frustration and exhaustion. Everything I have goes into my kids, and some days that’s great. Others leave me feeling depleted, like there’s not even an inch of wiggle room for anything else. The to-do lists get finished or they don’t and before you know it another day has gone by, or another week. A month.
I wouldn’t trade it for anything. My kids are the greatest legacy I will ever have, and I find a great sense of personal accomplishment in day to day life with them.
Add in maintaining not just a healthy marriage but a thriving one, all while you haven’t showered in three days and your time alone consists of sitting on the couch in an exhausted stupor for half an hour after the kids go to bed and there’s no room for anything else.
No room for me, or mine.
I love my life — but I don’t always like it.
My priorities are in order — I wouldn’t change anything.
And yet that feeling of dissatisfaction, the feeling that as happy as I am, something is missing…it persists.
I once asked for advice on a popular author’s group on how to be productive when you’ve got young kids, and the answers were resounding:
You can’t be.
I wasn’t productive until my kids were in school, they said. Just wait a few years. You’ll have time then.
I’ve never felt so deflated. Defeated before I could begin.
Because there’s a voice inside of me, a fist around my heart, an irrepressible urgency that NOW is the time.
NO! my heart cries. I refuse to wait. I refuse to settle. I refuse to do that to my marriage, my children, to myself.
Can’t you just be happy where you are? Aren’t you satisfied with what you have, with pouring yourself into your children and your marriage and your life? Is that not enough?
It isn’t for me, and friends, I’m here to tell you that that’s okay. It doesn’t make you less of a mother, less of a wife, or less of a person to want more.
Again — it doesn’t make you a bad mother to want more than just the raising of your children.
We were created to be more.
It’s hard to see it when you’re in the weeds. Impossible to look in the mirror and see anyone but a woman who has spent so little time sleeping in the past few years that she’s forgotten how to dream.
God knows your dreams. He created them in you, and will see them done. Have faith. Take heart. That feeling of something missing is a sign of great things to come, powerful work in you by your Creator.
Keep going — another load of laundry, another sticky mess, another quick kiss on the cheek as you hand off the baby. Keep your eyes on eternity, and have faith that God’s work in you is not done. Allow yourself the grace to appreciate the perfect timing ordained for your life.
I’m with you.